THE TENSION BETWEEN FAITH & DESIRE
There’s a constant pull between what I know is right and what I feel in the moment. This post isn’t about perfection, it’s about honesty, surrender, and what it really means to walk with God when desire feels stronger than discipline.
As someone practicing abstinence in my 20s, one of the things I struggle with is maintaining my stance in my purity walk. In this blog, I will be vulnerable with you all.
My journey into abstinence wasn’t actually planned. When I got into college, I had big plans for how I was going to enjoy my new found freedom. I remember talking with some freshers, and we all agreed we were going to explore as much as we could. After all, we only live once, why not enjoy it?
Everyone was doing their thing, but I just couldn’t go through with it... I tried getting into a relationship but somehow, it didn't last a week, Looking back now, I see how God was yanking me away from all my poor life choices.
I decided to get serious with God, I was going to church more, participating in so many religious activities but if I am to be honest with you, all that was a show. I was only Christian by mouth not by act, because I still thought about everything on the other side of freedom, even as I got more involved, my heart was still elsewhere torn between the altar and my appetite, at that point, if I had someone in my life, I probably would have given it up.
Slowly, my relationship with God was growing but I was still struggling, I decided I was going to wait till I find my person and then give it up to him... Hahaha! like a gift given to someone lol...honestly, I'm shaking my head for myself at this point. Anyways, I started studying the word and I was getting convicted about my plans to give up my virginity just to any man.
I made a promise to God, I told Him that my virginity was for my husband, not just any man.
It sounded noble, even sacred, but over time, I realized something: I was wrong. My intentions were sincere, but my motivation was misplaced. That promise, though made to God, was still centered around a man, not around God Himself. It was more about waiting for someone than walking with Someone.
God began to show me that purity isn’t a gift you keep wrapped up for your future spouse. It’s an act of worship, a daily surrender, a response to His holiness and love.
It’s not about saying, “I’m saving myself for him,” but rather, “I’m consecrating myself for You, Lord.”
Soon, I realized when purity is God-centered, it’s not rooted in fear, pride, or performance. it’s rooted in love and reverence for Him.
I finally got into a relationship and suddenly, that promise I made to God was put to the test. I had so many reasons to compromise, so many moments where emotions felt stronger than conviction. Sometimes, it wasn’t even about intention, it was about proximity. One moment of closeness could make my heart forget everything it once vowed.
I found myself in situations that tested every boundary I thought I had set. And yet, in the middle of all that noise, when my body was screaming desire and my emotions begged for permission, God became my sense of reasoning.
On this journey, I’ve learned that purity isn’t about perfection, it’s about dependence, choosing God again and again, even when your flesh forgets why you said yes in the first place.
The truth is, this journey isn’t easy. Desires don’t suddenly disappear because you love God, they’re part of being human. What changes is who you surrender them to. Every day, I’m learning that purity isn’t about being flawless, it’s about being faithful.
There are days I get it right, and days I fall short. But even in my weakness, God’s grace keeps reaching for me. When I stumble, He doesn’t shame me, He reminds me to get back up. Proverbs 24:16 says, “Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.”
So if you’re on this journey too, keep going. Don’t let shame silence your progress or make you forget how far you’ve come. Hold tight to God, even when your emotions feel louder than your convictions. Desires may never leave, but neither will His presence.
When the weight of desire feels stronger than your will, breathe. God delights more in your surrender than in your spotless record.
This journey isn’t one-sided; it’s something we walk together. Drop a comment or message me with topics you’d love me to write about... real conversations, real struggles, real faith.
God's Wagon!
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